The Hidden Role of Self-Criticism in Anxiety
- cm1619
- Nov 12
- 4 min read
If you live with anxiety, you probably know that relentless feeling of tension — the overthinking, the constant worry, the sense that you’re never quite doing enough.
But have you ever noticed how harshly you speak to yourself when you feel anxious? That critical inner voice whispering, “Why can’t you just cope better?” or “Everyone else seems to manage — what’s wrong with you?”
This pattern of self-criticism is far more than a bad habit. It’s a key piece of the anxiety puzzle — one that often goes unnoticed.
Let’s take a look at how your inner critic fuels anxiety, and how developing self-compassion can begin to quieten that voice, bringing you a greater sense of calm, confidence, and self-trust.
What Self-Criticism Really Sounds Like
It doesn’t always sound obvious. Sometimes it’s subtle —self criticism in anxiety can be a background hum of judgment that runs throughout the day.
You might catch yourself thinking:
“I should be handling this better.”
“I’m such an idiot for saying that.”
“I always mess things up.”
At first, it can seem like that voice is motivating you to improve. But in reality, self-criticism activates your body’s fear response system — the same one that triggers anxiety.
Your brain releases stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, preparing you for “fight or flight.” But there’s no real danger — only the belief that you’re not good enough.
Over time, this inner dialogue keeps your body and mind trapped in a constant state of unease.
How Self-Criticism Feeds the Anxiety Cycle
Let’s break down what’s really happening:
You make a mistake or feel anxious about something.
Your inner critic jumps in: “You shouldn’t feel like this,” or “You always mess things up.”
Those thoughts trigger your body’s fear system — heart racing, tension rising.
The anxiety increases… which your critic then blames you for.
You feel ashamed or frustrated, which strengthens the self-criticism.
This creates a self-perpetuating anxiety loop — one that keeps you stuck until you change how you relate to that inner voice.
Why Self-Compassion Is the Antidote
Many people believe that being kind to themselves means becoming “soft” But research shows the opposite — self-compassion helps you build resilience and emotional balance.
Self-compassion activates a different part of the nervous system — the soothing system — which releases calming hormones like oxytocin and endorphins. This helps your body relax, your heart rate slow, and your mind regain perspective. Which in turn helps you to gain perspective and see solutions where previously, you only saw problems.
Instead of seeing yourself as the enemy, self-compassion allows you to become your own ally.
It’s the difference between saying:
“You’re such a failure,” and
“That was tough, but it’s okay — you’re learning.”
That simple shift in language changes your biology, your emotions, and your relationship with anxiety itself.
Rewiring the Inner Dialogue
Practising self-compassion doesn’t mean that you can silence your inner critic overnight. But, it does mean that you've started the process and that begins with awareness — noticing when that voice appears and what it says.
Here’s how to begin:
Notice your inner dialogue.When you feel anxious or make a mistake, pause and observe what you’re saying to yourself.
Label the voice.“Ah, that’s my inner critic talking.” ( Give it a name if it helps) Identifying it creates space between you and the thought.
Ask: Would I speak to a friend like this?If not, how might you rephrase those words with kindness or understanding?
Offer yourself compassion.Try saying something like:
“It’s okay to feel anxious right now. This is just my nervous system trying to protect me.But now I am taking back control”
This simple acknowledgment can help calm your mind and body in the moment.
The Science of Self-Compassion and Anxiety
Studies by researcher Dr. Kristin Neff and others show that self-compassion practices reduce anxiety and depression, increase emotional resilience, and even improve physical wellbeing.
When we cultivate a kinder relationship with ourselves, we strengthen neural pathways linked to safety, trust, and connection — gradually weakening the circuits tied to fear and self-judgment.
In other words, you can literally retrain your brain to be calmer, kinder, and more balanced.
Real-Life Example
Imagine two people who both experience anxiety before a presentation.
Person A’s inner critic says: “You’re going to mess this up. Everyone will notice.”Their body floods with adrenaline, their mind races, and anxiety spikes.
Person B’s inner coach says: “It’s okay to feel nervous — that just means this matters to you.”Their body feels safer, their breathing steadies, and confidence slowly builds.
The situation hasn’t changed — the self-talk has. And that makes all the difference.
The Takeaway
Your inner critic may have developed long ago — perhaps to protect you from failure or rejection. But if it now feeds anxiety and self-doubt, it’s time to build a new kind of inner relationship.
By practising self-compassion, you can begin to tame that critical voice and nurture one that supports you instead.
Remember:
Awareness is the first step to change.
Kindness is the tool that rewires the mind.
Self-compassion is the path to calm.
When you start noticing, challenging and changing your self-talk, you give your nervous system permission to relax — and that's an important step in loosening anxiety's grip.
If you'd like to know more about how I can help you to challenge and change your negative self talk, please book a free consultation call.
Chris.
Comments