Why You Never Feel Good Enough - Why It Causes Anxiety And How to Break Free

Do you often find yourself thinking, “Why am I never good enough?” It's a horrible thought isn't it?

Feeling like you’re never as good as everyone else is exhausting – and it’s one of the biggest contributors to anxiety. This feeling doesn't come out of nowhere. It’s caused by your subconscious beliefs, and until you address them, it’s going to keep defining your life.

Where Does the "Never Good Enough" Feeling Come From?

This feeling often starts in childhood. Maybe you grew up with high expectations, critical parents, or felt like you had to achieve to be loved. Over time, your brain connected self-worth with performance. If you weren’t perfect, you weren’t good enough.

Or maybe you’ve been comparing yourself to others for years. Social media, anyone? It’s so easy to feel like you’re the only one struggling while everyone else's life seems to be amazing. (Spoiler alert: it's not but they're not going to post about that are they?)

How not feeling good enough causes anxiety.

When you believe you’re not good enough, anxiety becomes a constant background noise. You overthink every decision, second-guess yourself, and try to control everything to avoid what you see as failure. Your brain is stuck in survival mode, scanning for danger and waiting to be found out.

But anxiety isn’t the problem; it’s just a symptom. It’s your brain’s way of saying that something needs attention here." Instead of just coping and muddling through hoping things will improve, it’s time to listen.

What Needs to Change?

You can’t think your way out of this – you have to rewire the way you feel about yourself. Here’s how you can start:

1. Identify the Root Belief

Be honest and dig deep. Ask yourself, "When did I first start believing I wasn't good enough?" You might uncover memories or experiences that shaped this belief. Awareness is the first step.

2. Challenge Your Inner Critic

Would you talk to a friend the way you talk to yourself? Probably not. Start noticing that inner voice and challenge it. When you find yourself thinking thoughts like "You’re such a failure," stop, pay attention to the thought sand challenge it. Do you really believe this? more importantly, whose voice can you hear when this though comes to mind? A parent, a teacher?

3. Feel, Don’t Suppress

Pushing down emotions keeps the anxiety cycle going, and uses up a huge amount of energy which may explain why you often feel exhausted. Give yourself permission to feel and learn to sit with your emotions. Try writing them down, talk to someone you trust, or try techniques like EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) to release old emotions.

4. Rewire Through Action

Confidence doesn’t come from thinking; you can't think your way into feeling better when you still hold the same beliefs that are causing your pain. You have to take action. Start be taking small steps. Prove to yourself that you don’t need to be perfect to be worthy.

Breaking the Cycle

You are more than your achievements, and don't let anyone ever tell you differently - including yourself. You are also more than your mistakes. It's when things don't go to plan, that we learn and grow - t's what makes us human. Feeling good enough isn’t about being flawless; it’s about accepting yourself as you are. When you do that,you stop worrying about what other people think or trying to guess what you think, they think, you should be doing and then anxiety loses its hold on you.

If you're ready to go deeper and make real changes in your life, check out my coaching services here: https://www.essexanxietycoach.org.uk/.

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

Take care of you.

Chris.